The Part After "NO."

Good morning,

I hope you're having a good week.

Grab your coffee, because today's thought is one that might step on a few toes. (In a loving way, I promise. 😂)

I've been thinking a lot lately about what happens when a child says “no” to food.

Because as a feeding therapist, I'm trained to look underneath that “no.”

Is the texture hard?

Are they anxious or expecting us to pressure? Are they actually hungry?

All important questions.

But there's another question I think we need to ask more often:

What happens after the “no”?

Because sometimes the thing keeping a picky-eating pattern going isn't only why the child is refusing. Sometimes it's what we've all learned to do next.

Maybe your child says no.

You encourage a bite.

They refuse.

You negotiate.

They get upset.

You're freaking exhausted.

And eventually you think:

Fudge it. Just eat something.

So out comes the mac and cheese.

As a mama, I totally get it.

There are nights when nobody has the energy for one more flipping battle. We've all been there.

But here's the hard part:

What solves tonight's problem can accidentally become tomorrow's pattern.

Your child isn't manipulating you. They're learning.

Kids are really freaking good at noticing what happens next.

If “no” regularly ends with something different showing up, they learn that.

If “no” always leads to five minutes of convincing, they learn that too.

If “no” is allowed to simply mean, I'm not eating that right now, while the boundary around the meal stays the same...

they learn that too.

And this is where I think parents need to realize just how freaking important they are in feeding.

You may not have caused your child's picky eating.

But you are absolutely one of the biggest game changers in what happens next.

I can help a child tolerate a texture in therapy. I can work on chewing. I can reduce anxiety around a new food.

We can have the most beautiful feeding session in the world. But then I go home. And so do you.

I'm not there Tuesday night when your child takes one look at dinner and announces it's disgusting. I'm not there when they ask for something else 12 minutes later. I'm not there when you're tired, they're tired, and you just want everyone to eat their darn dinner and go to bed.

You are.

That's why I care so much about helping parents understand the WHY.

Not so you can accommodate every refusal. Not so you can make everything exactly how your child wants it. And definitely not so you're making three flipping dinners every night.

I want you to understand what's happening so you can decide:

• Does my child need support here?

• Do I need to back off the pressure?

• Are they simply not hungry?

• Or is this a boundary I need to hold?

Because those are very different situations. And they require very different responses.

The next time your child refuses food, pay attention to what happens in the five minutes afterward.

Not just what your child does.

What do you do? And be honest with yourself with what you do and what happens. I know it can be hard.

BUT...No guilt. No beating yourself up. No Well, crap, Kristin says I've screwed this whole thing up. You haven't.

We're just getting curious about the whole picture.

Because once you see the pattern, you can decide whether it's actually working for your family. And if it isn't? That's something we can change.

💚

Kristin