By Kristin Hansen, OTR/L
Pediatric Occupational & Feeding Therapist
8-10 MINUTE READ
...but somehow had room for two granola bars, Goldfish crackers, a yogurt pouch, and whatever else they found in the pantry after school. Sound familiar?
If so, can I tell you something?
You're not the only parent who's stood in the kitchen wondering...
"How is this even possible?"
Dinner is finally ready. You've spent time making a meal you hope everyone will eat. Maybe your child even asked for it.
Then they sit down, look at the plate and quietly say,
"I'm not hungry."
Meanwhile you're thinking, "You were starving 45 minutes ago."
It's confusing. It's frustrating. And if I'm being honest...
I've had those moments in my own kitchen too. As a feeding therapist, I understand what's happening beneath the behavior. As a mom...I've still caught myself thinking, "Seriously? We just talked about dinner."
Most feeding programs tell parents what to do.
I believe we have to start somewhere else.
We have to understand why.
Let's start with something that's often overlooked.
Most children aren't eating snacks after school and daycare because they're trying to avoid dinner.
They're eating because...
They're hungry. Really hungry.
Think about their day.
• Lunch at 11:00
• School ends at 3:00
• Four hours later
Most adults would be hungry too. Children's bodies are simply asking for energy. The after-school snack isn't necessarily the problem.
Often, it's meeting a very real need.
Sometimes the snack isn't the problem.
It's meeting a need.
One of the biggest myths I hear is...
Children should arrive at dinner equally hungry every night. Adults don't. Why would children? Think about yourself.
Have you ever skipped breakfast or forgotten lunch? Accidentally eaten crackers, grapes, cheese, and cereal at 3:00?
Then wondered why dinner didn't sound very good?
That's called being human. Children experience changing appetites too.
Appetite isn't designed to stay the same all day.
Imagine this schedule.
Only two hours passed.
Many children simply aren't hungry again yet.
That doesn't mean snacks are bad. It means timing matters.
This is where I think most feeding advice stops too soon. Because hunger isn't the only thing children are listening to.
Sometimes, their sensory system is louder than hunger.
Sometimes, anxiety is louder.
Sometimes, they're simply exhausted.
Sometimes, their body is quietly saying,
"This doesn't feel safe today."
Dinner isn't always where the problem begins.
It's often where parents finally notice it.
Parents pressure children because they care. Not because they're doing something wrong.
I've been there too. I've caught myself saying,
"You loved this yesterday."
Then I have to remember exactly what I teach families. Pressure changes the experience of eating.
Curiosity creates connection.
Pressure often creates resistance.
Offer the after-school/daycare snack without guilt.
Think about the size of the snack.
Experiment with dinner 30 minutes earlier.
"What happened before dinner?"
Replace worry with curiosity.
Text section
You can add more detail in this subtitle
Type or paste your text just like you normally would in any word processor, and use the / key to pull up a menu with more formatting options (like bullet points, block quotes, and embeds). After you've added your text in the "Content" tab, click on the "Design" tab to customize the layout, colors, and alignment.
When we stop asking...
"How do I get my child to eat?"
and start asking...
"What might my child be trying to tell me?"
everything changes.
After you add your text and image in the "Content" tab, you can customize the layout of your section in the "Design" tab. Images can be beside, above, or below your text.
Download my FREE
The scripts aren't magic words. They're simply another way of helping you respond with confidence instead of pressure.
Because when you understand your child...
everything begins to look different.